Please to be excusing me for being away since February. My touring committeements in Siberia was reason. Called in at Vladivostok to do a Swan Lake for my friends at the Sugar Plumbers and Cracked Nutter Operatives Union. Now I have piece of paper and pencil I can write to you what I have been doing about.
In last blog someone joked about me being measured for a four four rather than a tutu. So I made up poem about fourfour . It goes like this:
BRING BACK THE 2X2 ©Nat
Down town and country roads they roar
The huge and ugly -4x4
The highfalutin, high polluting Chelsea tractor
Oblivious of its fumes extractor
And now I see the bloke next door
Has gone and bought a 4x4
Should I join him-no I’ll wait
Till they produce an 8x8
You like my perfect Anglish, yes ? I can see you laughing your split sides off.
Let me tell you about my forefathers. My great, great, great, great,
great, great grandfather Ivan (he was really terrible) was a true ballet fan. He would have been 986 last Tuesday if he did not die prematurely. Poor man. He died in his sleep at a Rolling Stones concert.
As you know I am rehearsing for my one woman performance of King Kong-The Ballet
(Hollywood is interested).My producer Anatole Litzkovski thinks we should have a chorus of little King Kongs to run about the stage sinjing a silly song. Just the break up the monotony. – it does last five hours but London Transport have promised late night buses.
Demitri,my choreographer is looking for a dig or digs when there is more than one. If you can put up him pleased leave a message in a telephone kiosk if you can find one. He think Anglish linguage is funny. He went into a shop for a three piece suit and came out with a sofa and two chairs with arms. What is a DFS ? He thinks a syndrome is a very large brothel.
I am approaching Madonna, who is approaching 51, in view to term up like Darcy Bussell and that nice Wales girl. I will sing and she will dance. Glastonbury is interested.
All the big record companies are clamouring to sign me out for releasing my anthem “Hairy Fairy” . . Hurry while I last. Can you name all mentioned in “Hairy Fairy” There are five favourite people in this song. All are singers except three.
. Time for more poetry. I went to join the Kirov (the ballet company)
But they told be to clear off
Then I discovered Smirnoff
Whilst working in a beer off
I am not supposed to be singing as a ballet dancer but I won the Voice Of The Decayed contest in the Urals when I was only 38. Not bad eh?
Book now for my Covent Garden performance. I do street show next to jugglers and seal that does impressions. It left a bad impression on me. Bye from me and Isvestia to all and one. Nat