Natasha Fallenover’s Blog No 8

My daily doings. .

Monday.
You Anglish miss so many opportunitities . I give example. You have rugby man called Austin Healey named after great British 1950 sports car, yes ? You have pretty film actress, Minnie Driver named after little British car , yes ? So how come they never made a road movie ?
Anatole, my producer, phones from Hollyhead-or was it Hollywood ? Says Speilberg wants me for big budget movie where dinosaurs take up ballet and prance around gobbling up all and sundry. I play hands on, up front, latest squeeze of Brad Pitt who fights off terrifying monsters with pen knife. I think about it. Not sure pen knife is right weapon for big budget movie.

Tuesday.
Limbering up (and down). We ballet divas have to be fat, no fit, and in good shape for strenuous roles. Spend five hours at the barre. Fall flat on face. Too many vodkas.

Wednesday.
EMI calls and wants me for a record with Robbie Williams and Coldplay. ! Suggest big orchestral version of “Hairy Fairy”, Robbie can sing first chorus, Mr Coldplay tinkle piano and I dance the rest. Should make big impact. Sell zillions. Big TV spectacular to follow direct from 02 with support band – Rolling Bricks.

Thursday.
Dimitri, my choreographer, brings me sketches for ballet routine for King Kong-The Ballet. At theatres all over UK they have the builders in enlarging proscenium arch to accommodate the big monster.(King Kong-not me, silly) First fifty rows of seats must go on health and safety grounds. Projected grand opening night May 14th, 2015. so plenty of time for rehearsaling.

Go to Abbey Rd studios and practice walk across zebra crossing in time for photocall. Scratch my name on wall next to Paul McCartney. (whoever he is). Stop traffic for two hours to get right stance for photo man. Traffic warden sticks ticket on my tutu. Says I must pay congestion charge. I tell him I personal friend of Borris Johnson, Mayor of London. With name of Borris must have Russian blood.

Friday
My friend Olga (Korzitzov) comes round and brings her American cousins,Hank and Yank. Explains that they are here doing tour of churches. Hank says he thinks British church people very magnanimous because they run competitions with big prizes. “How you explain we ask?”. “Well”, says Hank, “Yesterday we drive through Hampshire on way to Salisbury and see sign saying “Winchester Cathedral”. I tell Yank “hey, man, “Some competition eh ?”. “Crazy, man”, says Yank. “But what would you do with Chester Cathedral if you won it ?”

Saturday.
Dimitri says he refuses to sing song I like from 1940s America. Song called “I Walk Alone”. Dim says he cannot sing song about someone who wore cologne. Dimitri stupid. He in planning spin-offs of BBC Radio 4 programme, “You And Yours”. Spin offs will be called “Him And Hers, Them And Theirs”, and Mine And His”. No I don’t understand, either.

Sunday
Slob asked me to explain newspaper headline: Who’s Got A Taboo Tutu Under Her Tattered Tutu ?
I disclose riddle in next blog. Until them Glasnost and if you can’t be careful-be good as you say in Barnsley.