Natasha Fallenover’s Blog No 8
My daily doings. .
Monday.
You Anglish miss so many opportunitities . I give example. You have rugby man called Austin Healey named after great British 1950 sports car, yes ? You have pretty film actress, Minnie Driver named after little British car , yes ? So how come they never made a road movie ?
Anatole, my producer, phones from Hollyhead-or was it Hollywood ? Says Speilberg wants me for big budget movie where dinosaurs take up ballet and prance around gobbling up all and sundry. I play hands on, up front, latest squeeze of Brad Pitt who fights off terrifying monsters with pen knife. I think about it. Not sure pen knife is right weapon for big budget movie.
Tuesday.
Limbering up (and down). We ballet divas have to be fat, no fit, and in good shape for strenuous roles. Spend five hours at the barre. Fall flat on face. Too many vodkas.
Wednesday.
EMI calls and wants me for a record with Robbie Williams and Coldplay. ! Suggest big orchestral version of “Hairy Fairy”, Robbie can sing first chorus, Mr Coldplay tinkle piano and I dance the rest. Should make big impact. Sell zillions. Big TV spectacular to follow direct from 02 with support band – Rolling Bricks.
Thursday.
Dimitri, my choreographer, brings me sketches for ballet routine for King Kong-The Ballet. At theatres all over UK they have the builders in enlarging proscenium arch to accommodate the big monster.(King Kong-not me, silly) First fifty rows of seats must go on health and safety grounds. Projected grand opening night May 14th, 2015. so plenty of time for rehearsaling.
Go to Abbey Rd studios and practice walk across zebra crossing in time for photocall. Scratch my name on wall next to Paul McCartney. (whoever he is). Stop traffic for two hours to get right stance for photo man. Traffic warden sticks ticket on my tutu. Says I must pay congestion charge. I tell him I personal friend of Borris Johnson, Mayor of London. With name of Borris must have Russian blood.
Friday
My friend Olga (Korzitzov) comes round and brings her American cousins,Hank and Yank. Explains that they are here doing tour of churches. Hank says he thinks British church people very magnanimous because they run competitions with big prizes. “How you explain we ask?”. “Well”, says Hank, “Yesterday we drive through Hampshire on way to Salisbury and see sign saying “Winchester Cathedral”. I tell Yank “hey, man, “Some competition eh ?”. “Crazy, man”, says Yank. “But what would you do with Chester Cathedral if you won it ?”
Saturday.
Dimitri says he refuses to sing song I like from 1940s America. Song called “I Walk Alone”. Dim says he cannot sing song about someone who wore cologne. Dimitri stupid. He in planning spin-offs of BBC Radio 4 programme, “You And Yours”. Spin offs will be called “Him And Hers, Them And Theirs”, and Mine And His”. No I don’t understand, either.
Sunday
Slob asked me to explain newspaper headline: Who’s Got A Taboo Tutu Under Her Tattered Tutu ?
I disclose riddle in next blog. Until them Glasnost and if you can’t be careful-be good as you say in Barnsley.
Monday, 23 June 2008
Monday, 16 June 2008
Natasha Fallenover's Blog No7
Doings I have done
Monday
I fly to Paris for linch with Monsieur Sarkozy or Sarkozeeee as they pronounce it. My choreographer, Dimitri asked if he could come along. I say no. I am not having him getting up close and personality with that lovely Mrs. President. No way. As a novelty they gave us lunch on top of the Eiffel Tower. Oh, those stairs !. For starters we had frogs legs on toast, followed by fish and chips to cement the Entende Cordiale. Desert was Asparagus Cheesecake with snails pieces in a chilli sauce. Different.
Tuesday
Join Oopsadaisy ballet company in sing song to celebrate their 100th anniversary . They started in a tent in Cleckheaton in 1908 with just one ballerina. Now they have three and a piano player who was there when the company was formed. How they have progressed. I take along first batch of Hairy Fairy cakes as contribution to festivities. We have a right old knees up as you say in Bermondsey.
Wednesday
My friend Olga Korzitzov is back from the Urals with sad news of former choreographer, Rudolf Potemkin. Olga says he fell from his 35th floor Moscow apartment just before his death. “Just before his death ?”, I exclaim. “Yes,” replied dear Olga, who is two tutus short of a Bolshoi, “He died thirty seconds later”.
Thursday
My tour manager, Slobodan O’Riley is part time inventor man. He showed me his latest gizmo-singing umbrella. It goes like this. When rain hits special sensor, activation of mini CD player secreted in top of umbrella plays just one tune-Gene Kelly singing, “Singing In The Rain”. This provides inspiration for umbrella operator to run down street, miming to Mr Kelly whilst dancing and jumping on and off pavement/sidewalk (if you are in America). Dance past smiling policeman, splash through available puddles and bring happiness to community whilst getting soaked through. Whole neighbourhood join in. Good, eh ?
Friday.
Working on my big book – big books bring big bucks says my publisher Hyme.(remember his autobiography-“Hyme To The Moon”. Slick title ,eh ?What is book, you ask ? It is a biography. “Methuselah-The Early Years”.
Saturday
E mail from Hollywood. They want option to do “Methuselah –The Ballet” as a spectacle movie. They will then do a re-make thus creating a pair of spectacles.
Sunday
Read story about Keira Knightley in talks ( why does no one ever have just one talk ?) to be Eliza Doolittle in remake of film, “My Fair Lady”. Big question is will the movie be shown twice Knightley ? Side split joke.Madonna is not returning my calls again. She didn’t return my calls yesterday or the day before. Maybe deal to team up is off. I get that nice Wales girl instead. She perfect for role of Meths so long as she is prepared to wear long white beard. No sweat as you say in Whitechapel. Why do people in East Enders say SOMEFINK and wosatsuposamean ?Can’t they speak the Queen’s Anglish ?
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Thursday, 5 June 2008
. Natasha Fallenover's Blog No 6
My choreographer Dimitri’s favourite pastime if watching loose women but Lou doesn’t like anyone watching him swim. I remember a song called “Cry Me A River”. In Russia we thought it was called “Crimea River”.The Americans had a TV show called “I Love Lucy”. People spent hours with their maps looking for the “Isle Of Lucy”. Why am I telling you all this ? Because my fractured Anglish sometimes gets misinterpretateded so please to excuse if not right. Thank you. That is the end of my disclaimer.
Monday
I asked questions at Question Time in the House of The Common .(I sneaked in when the speaker was have 40 winks). My question is ,“ The eminent Lord Younger died in January 2003. Was he the elder Younger or the younger Younger and if so does that make the equally eminent conductor Mark Elder the elder or Mark Elder the younger. ? Answers on a postcard please.
Tuesday
I go into bookshop and ask to see manager. Manager comes out of his hiddy hole and I say, “I am thinking of writing a book. Can you tell me where I can buy a writer’s block?”
Great Uncle Ludovick emigrated from Vladivostok to UK in 1856. Stick pin in map and settled for Bradford. On seeing lots of big chimneys he figure must be lots of factories with peoples going hungry. He open chain of slow food restaurants called Dark Satanic Grills. He was first Russian immigrant to go bankrupt here.
Cousin Oedipus was in the motor car business. He sold scrap motors trading as Scrap Cars Are Us. Business was poor so he decided to go up market and had big sign made saying, Oedipus Wrecks. He was second Russian immigrant to go bankrupt here.
But to my diary which you are waiting to hear of.
Monday.
Phoned friend Olga in Sebastopol to ask how my record of “Hairy Fairy”
( music by Tchaikovsky)is doing. She say it is moving nicely and is now 1742 in charts.
Tuesday.
Called at my PR company to discuss revamping my profile. I am to be called Twinkletoes Fallenover with by line, “The stand on toes ballet dancer”. If comedians here can trade as stand up comedians why not ? Dimitri says he may become “Climb Ladder Window Cleaner”.
Wednesday.
Back to PR person, Osbourne is his silly name, who thinks we should start a bakery and produce Natasha's Hairy Fairy Cakes, with image of me and the legend Eat Me on the top. Nice idea, yes ?
Thursday.
How sad it is to say goodbye to great favourite Bo Diddlums. As you know he was one of big Bo group. Brummel, Gueste, Peep and Niddle. Think about it.
Spend day rehearing songs for King Kong-The Ballet prodiction. Would you like a snippet ? Of course you would. This is part duet with Olga and me
She shops at Harrods while I go to Tesco
She sings Bel Canto while I sing Al Fresco
Hand knitted hairpieces tied up with stings
They’re on our list of most unfavourite things.
You will have to sing the rest. Try singing it in the bath. It sounds better under water.
Friday.
I have appointment with head of Human Racehorses at big London Department store. I check out part time jobs in case King Kong-The Ballet is flop. I say to interview man, “So how many fridges do you expect me to sell ?” He say, Just because we are called Selfridges it does not mean that all our staff sell fridges. If I take you on I put you in ladies underwear. “Ho, no you do not, “I say, indignant ally”. I am quite capable of putting myself in ladies underwear, thank you very much. Cheeky monkey. .
Toodle pip for now. See you next week.
Monday
I asked questions at Question Time in the House of The Common .(I sneaked in when the speaker was have 40 winks). My question is ,“ The eminent Lord Younger died in January 2003. Was he the elder Younger or the younger Younger and if so does that make the equally eminent conductor Mark Elder the elder or Mark Elder the younger. ? Answers on a postcard please.
Tuesday
I go into bookshop and ask to see manager. Manager comes out of his hiddy hole and I say, “I am thinking of writing a book. Can you tell me where I can buy a writer’s block?”
Great Uncle Ludovick emigrated from Vladivostok to UK in 1856. Stick pin in map and settled for Bradford. On seeing lots of big chimneys he figure must be lots of factories with peoples going hungry. He open chain of slow food restaurants called Dark Satanic Grills. He was first Russian immigrant to go bankrupt here.
Cousin Oedipus was in the motor car business. He sold scrap motors trading as Scrap Cars Are Us. Business was poor so he decided to go up market and had big sign made saying, Oedipus Wrecks. He was second Russian immigrant to go bankrupt here.
But to my diary which you are waiting to hear of.
Monday.
Phoned friend Olga in Sebastopol to ask how my record of “Hairy Fairy”
( music by Tchaikovsky)is doing. She say it is moving nicely and is now 1742 in charts.
Tuesday.
Called at my PR company to discuss revamping my profile. I am to be called Twinkletoes Fallenover with by line, “The stand on toes ballet dancer”. If comedians here can trade as stand up comedians why not ? Dimitri says he may become “Climb Ladder Window Cleaner”.
Wednesday.
Back to PR person, Osbourne is his silly name, who thinks we should start a bakery and produce Natasha's Hairy Fairy Cakes, with image of me and the legend Eat Me on the top. Nice idea, yes ?
Thursday.
How sad it is to say goodbye to great favourite Bo Diddlums. As you know he was one of big Bo group. Brummel, Gueste, Peep and Niddle. Think about it.
Spend day rehearing songs for King Kong-The Ballet prodiction. Would you like a snippet ? Of course you would. This is part duet with Olga and me
She shops at Harrods while I go to Tesco
She sings Bel Canto while I sing Al Fresco
Hand knitted hairpieces tied up with stings
They’re on our list of most unfavourite things.
You will have to sing the rest. Try singing it in the bath. It sounds better under water.
Friday.
I have appointment with head of Human Racehorses at big London Department store. I check out part time jobs in case King Kong-The Ballet is flop. I say to interview man, “So how many fridges do you expect me to sell ?” He say, Just because we are called Selfridges it does not mean that all our staff sell fridges. If I take you on I put you in ladies underwear. “Ho, no you do not, “I say, indignant ally”. I am quite capable of putting myself in ladies underwear, thank you very much. Cheeky monkey. .
Toodle pip for now. See you next week.
NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG N0 5.
Glasnost and utmost greeting to all and one.
it is time to tell you more about my background. I assume you have all seen my front ground, yes ?
Did you know my great uncle Vanya was a bigwig in the hairpiece business ? You didn’t know that ? Well you soon will.
He used to tell the split siding anecdote about when he had travelled 1200 mile to see a customer in Urals and spent five hours making a pitch (as they say in the trade), he was getting nowhere. Then customer finally said, “O.K. I place an order with you but there is just one more thing I want to know. Can you swim in it ? Uncle Vanya overcome with exasperation replied, “No comrade, but if you turn it upside down and fill it full of water your goldfish can” Oh, how we giggled.
Monday.
Working with editor of Goodbye magazine to start competition finding song names for British town like America has. Examples-“I Left My Heart In San Fransisco,”
how about “I Left My Spleen In Aberdeen" ?.”New York, New York” might become “Newcastle, Newcastle”. Or “Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans”, (could be equivalent of “Do You Know What It Means To Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy”*. “The Girl From Impanima” (yes I know it’s not in real America) This could be doctor’s favourite bossa nova when retitled, “The Girl From Impetigo”.
“Swansea, Swansea, how I love you, how I love you” by Al Jolson.
Please to send me your digestions...
* Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy was winner of the Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy beauty contest in 1932 and she certainly knew what it meant to her!
As you know Dimitri is my choreographer and my tour manager is Slobodan O’Riley (his mother, she travel a lot). To me they are Dim and Slob, which, come to think about it is very appropriate. They are my left and right hand men.
Tuesday.
It rains all day so take opportunity to put on tutu, ballet shoes and put up umbrella. Go out on street and practice “Singing In The Rain” to record of Gene Kelly singing “Singing In The Rain” on wind up gramophone carried by Slob. Pedestrians are much amused by this display of wet choreography and clap profusely. Dim hold hat and we collect £2.50 and three bent safety pins,. which come in handy as tutu is splitting several places.
Wednesday.
WE go take a look at Royal Opera House just in case we get to do ballet there some day. Big auditorium. Remind me of joke I heard at the Bolshoi in Moscow. This is it. What do you do when the orchestra stalls ? Answer is sober up the conductor. This good joke no ?
Puts me in mind of limerick which is Irish place but no relation. Goes like this:
A very tall lady named Gillian
Played the lottery and won half a million
She said “I would like
A big motor bike”
And she steered it whilst sat on the pillion.
Side splits yes ?
Thursday
I sleep all day and drink all night with pals from Oops A Daisy ballet company who want me for a fairy. I ask what would a fairy want with me but they insist I audition for part.
Friday
Audition for Oops A Daisy ballet company but fail on account of my bad bunions.
Saturday and Sunday
Contemplate my naval.
See you next week. Free Vladivostok now ! Love from NAT
PS ”. OK. So I am a bass/baritone but nobody’s perfect.
it is time to tell you more about my background. I assume you have all seen my front ground, yes ?
Did you know my great uncle Vanya was a bigwig in the hairpiece business ? You didn’t know that ? Well you soon will.
He used to tell the split siding anecdote about when he had travelled 1200 mile to see a customer in Urals and spent five hours making a pitch (as they say in the trade), he was getting nowhere. Then customer finally said, “O.K. I place an order with you but there is just one more thing I want to know. Can you swim in it ? Uncle Vanya overcome with exasperation replied, “No comrade, but if you turn it upside down and fill it full of water your goldfish can” Oh, how we giggled.
Monday.
Working with editor of Goodbye magazine to start competition finding song names for British town like America has. Examples-“I Left My Heart In San Fransisco,”
how about “I Left My Spleen In Aberdeen" ?.”New York, New York” might become “Newcastle, Newcastle”. Or “Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans”, (could be equivalent of “Do You Know What It Means To Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy”*. “The Girl From Impanima” (yes I know it’s not in real America) This could be doctor’s favourite bossa nova when retitled, “The Girl From Impetigo”.
“Swansea, Swansea, how I love you, how I love you” by Al Jolson.
Please to send me your digestions...
* Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy was winner of the Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy beauty contest in 1932 and she certainly knew what it meant to her!
As you know Dimitri is my choreographer and my tour manager is Slobodan O’Riley (his mother, she travel a lot). To me they are Dim and Slob, which, come to think about it is very appropriate. They are my left and right hand men.
Tuesday.
It rains all day so take opportunity to put on tutu, ballet shoes and put up umbrella. Go out on street and practice “Singing In The Rain” to record of Gene Kelly singing “Singing In The Rain” on wind up gramophone carried by Slob. Pedestrians are much amused by this display of wet choreography and clap profusely. Dim hold hat and we collect £2.50 and three bent safety pins,. which come in handy as tutu is splitting several places.
Wednesday.
WE go take a look at Royal Opera House just in case we get to do ballet there some day. Big auditorium. Remind me of joke I heard at the Bolshoi in Moscow. This is it. What do you do when the orchestra stalls ? Answer is sober up the conductor. This good joke no ?
Puts me in mind of limerick which is Irish place but no relation. Goes like this:
A very tall lady named Gillian
Played the lottery and won half a million
She said “I would like
A big motor bike”
And she steered it whilst sat on the pillion.
Side splits yes ?
Thursday
I sleep all day and drink all night with pals from Oops A Daisy ballet company who want me for a fairy. I ask what would a fairy want with me but they insist I audition for part.
Friday
Audition for Oops A Daisy ballet company but fail on account of my bad bunions.
Saturday and Sunday
Contemplate my naval.
See you next week. Free Vladivostok now ! Love from NAT
PS ”. OK. So I am a bass/baritone but nobody’s perfect.
NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG N04
My weekly doings
Poor Dimitri, my friend and choreographer, has had a succession of interesting jobs. He was a door to door brain surgeon, Mount Everest tour guide, and Head of Intelligence at the White House (the pub in East Grinstead). Now he has steady part time position as coronation programme seller he can devote more time to my ballet doings.
Last Monday we were rehearsaling for my one woman show, “King Kong –The Ballet when producer, Anatole, looked in and cast aspersions on my boobles. (rhymes with roubles-Russian currency in case you did not know). He say they are too small and must be bigger to attract male audience. I tell him I am artistic artist not a nudity person. He says I need implants and must see plastic sturgeon. I tell him where to go in no certain terms. He goes.
Tuesday morning. Whilst rehearsaling Morris dancers arrive in full regalia. They say Anatole hired them for act one scene four to relieve tedium when no one is speaking in ballet sequences. In coffee break we discuss disgraceful amount of nudity on Radio 4 when children are listening. I tell them about my role in Rodgers and Hammersmith’s “South Pathetic” in 1956 when I had to bathe in water tank in altogether.
Wednesday.
Day off. Olga and I go to hide in park followed by Morris dancers. If only we could find Morris we could complain. Their jingling little bells on their knees make a racket and their staves are a health and safety hazard. They follow us into Sainsburys and treat us to packet of biscuits. All this suggests that they are trying to get off with us. The one in the green jodhpurs is interesting and I give him one. One biscuit that is, in case you got ideas.I buy book on how the pas de deaux on your own.
Thursday.I put my doings in verse to make fascinating:
An invite comes from number ten,Dave says “Come to Dinner”
I get a little drunk, tell Mr C he should be slimmer
I take off my bi-focals and fall over Michael Winner
Everything happens to me.
I buy a new computer, I send E mails by the score
It’s got a lot of icons, but I don’t know what they’re for
I clicked on one and watched the couple making love next door
Everything happens to me.
Friday Deal with E mails, letters and postcards most saying nice things but some are not so nice. Man from Chorlton Cum Hardy asks why I wear such a short tutu. To show off lovely Russian legs of course. Someone asks how I come to be named Natasha. Well, Nosey Parker of Chorlotn Cum Hardy,if you Google me you see lots of people with name NATASHA living in Ohio. Don’t ask me why. Notice all my correspondents live in Chorlotn Cum Hardy. Must organise fan club there.
Saturday. Make big decision. Too many American towns have own song. Must do competition to rename songs to British towns. More on this later.
Sunday Nasty accident. Stocktaking my handbag and fell in. It took five firemen to get me out. See you all next week NAT
Until next time Slobadon to all and one. NAT
NATASHA Fallenover's blog no 3
NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG NO 3.
What a busy week I am doing. Monday morning I go shopping for new TuTu and ballet shoes. I need cash. I go the hole in one-no that’s not right-hole in wall as you say. I insert card and push buttons. Out comes twenty pound note. I push it back in slot and say in loud voice, “No, please to give me four fivvers”. Little man inside machine does not answer. I raise voice . “I want four fivvers, please”. Nothing happens. Now I am rattled, as you say in Barnsley. I shout in very loud voice, “If you do not give me four fivvers I report you to Mr Barclay, boss of your bank. Man behind me in queue laughs. Laugh wiped off his face when four fivvers are pushed out of slot. I say to man who looks amazed. “You see if you don’t try you don’t get”
Lunch with my choreographer, Dimitri(Dim for short) to discuss routine for forthcoming “King Kong-the ballet” in which I play one women prodiction. Dimitri is tough cookie and ruthless. He is totally without ruth but a sweetie. He is also without list.
Tuesday.
I fall during rehearsal and bang my big toe. I am beside myself – my favourite position. But I carry plasters in my rug sack and search underneath rug and all the other todoodlements an artiste of my statue must have at all time in case of misadventure.
Wednesday.
Breakfast with Anatole, my producer. After breakfast we carry on in bed. until Thursday. (see amazing revelations in my forthcoming autobiography published in Goodbye magazine). We discuss concept for TV show based on “An Evening With Darcey Bushel”. We think “A Nightmare With Rudemiller” is not quite right. But ITV is interested.
My friend Olga Korzitov phones for the Urals to say that “Hairy Fairy” –the song Pieter Tchaikovsky wrote for me, is number 10897 in Vladivostok charts. and climbing.
Thursday.
Spend day contemplating on meaning of life. Did you know Paganini was a
genius composer? At eight years old he wrote a nice cantata, for the French he coined the famous Franc sonata. My choreographer, Dimitri, says he has been offered part time job as programme seller at coronations. Millions of people go to coronations so must make a packet. Saw newspaper advert for electric goods. One says “ I Pod Shuffle”. Sounds like 1920 dance routine. Must get music. Above I Pod advert it says. “Free Skins” I could do with a free skin. I wonder if they have one my size.
Friday
Meet with advertising executives. Discuss promotion of new dance craze-the Quango. They say it is update version of Tango only group of people in suits meet to discuss better ways of promoting the Tango They then get paid large sums of money and buy big house in Spain. I think I join. I think they like my slogan for lovely holiday. It goes like this . “Feeling stressed, tired and run down ? Romania is what you need. Why not book a rest in Bucharest ? “ Clever you think, no ?
Must go more green. I am already quite green. Green with envy due to people saying Darcey is best ballet dancer. Must sell car and dance to go shopping. Glasnost forever. NAT
Saturday and Sunday Mind your own business.
What a busy week I am doing. Monday morning I go shopping for new TuTu and ballet shoes. I need cash. I go the hole in one-no that’s not right-hole in wall as you say. I insert card and push buttons. Out comes twenty pound note. I push it back in slot and say in loud voice, “No, please to give me four fivvers”. Little man inside machine does not answer. I raise voice . “I want four fivvers, please”. Nothing happens. Now I am rattled, as you say in Barnsley. I shout in very loud voice, “If you do not give me four fivvers I report you to Mr Barclay, boss of your bank. Man behind me in queue laughs. Laugh wiped off his face when four fivvers are pushed out of slot. I say to man who looks amazed. “You see if you don’t try you don’t get”
Lunch with my choreographer, Dimitri(Dim for short) to discuss routine for forthcoming “King Kong-the ballet” in which I play one women prodiction. Dimitri is tough cookie and ruthless. He is totally without ruth but a sweetie. He is also without list.
Tuesday.
I fall during rehearsal and bang my big toe. I am beside myself – my favourite position. But I carry plasters in my rug sack and search underneath rug and all the other todoodlements an artiste of my statue must have at all time in case of misadventure.
Wednesday.
Breakfast with Anatole, my producer. After breakfast we carry on in bed. until Thursday. (see amazing revelations in my forthcoming autobiography published in Goodbye magazine). We discuss concept for TV show based on “An Evening With Darcey Bushel”. We think “A Nightmare With Rudemiller” is not quite right. But ITV is interested.
My friend Olga Korzitov phones for the Urals to say that “Hairy Fairy” –the song Pieter Tchaikovsky wrote for me, is number 10897 in Vladivostok charts. and climbing.
Thursday.
Spend day contemplating on meaning of life. Did you know Paganini was a
genius composer? At eight years old he wrote a nice cantata, for the French he coined the famous Franc sonata. My choreographer, Dimitri, says he has been offered part time job as programme seller at coronations. Millions of people go to coronations so must make a packet. Saw newspaper advert for electric goods. One says “ I Pod Shuffle”. Sounds like 1920 dance routine. Must get music. Above I Pod advert it says. “Free Skins” I could do with a free skin. I wonder if they have one my size.
Friday
Meet with advertising executives. Discuss promotion of new dance craze-the Quango. They say it is update version of Tango only group of people in suits meet to discuss better ways of promoting the Tango They then get paid large sums of money and buy big house in Spain. I think I join. I think they like my slogan for lovely holiday. It goes like this . “Feeling stressed, tired and run down ? Romania is what you need. Why not book a rest in Bucharest ? “ Clever you think, no ?
Must go more green. I am already quite green. Green with envy due to people saying Darcey is best ballet dancer. Must sell car and dance to go shopping. Glasnost forever. NAT
Saturday and Sunday Mind your own business.
Natasha Svetlana Fallenover History
NATASHA SVETLANA FALLENOVER – THE ORIGINAL “HAIRY FAIRY”
At the age of four she was presented with a Life Time Achievement Award by the Vladivostock Nut Cracker and Sugar Plumber Operatives Association.
She won the coveted Wet Corset contest in Petronoscovitchgradstan after falling in
A lake full of swans. Her parents sent her for singing lessons and were delighted when her teacher described her as having “The Voice Of The Decayed”. Her spelling was atrocious.
She cites her best years as being those studying under the impresario Diaghilev. As a matter of fact she spent quite a lot of time under Diaghilev,.then she decided to take up ballet. Her big break came at the Paris Conservatory (to be honest it was not so much a conservatory-more of a kitchen extension) where she was introduced to Les Sylphides. Les was keen to show her his celebrated Pas De Trois so it was back to his pad post haste.
Madam Fallenover worked with all the leading Russian ballet companies, sweeping out the dressing rooms, titivating the tutus, tantalising the Tiaras- nice family the Tiaras-never missed a performance.
Nat, (to her friends) starred in her one women shows, “King Kong -The Ballet” and “Natasha meets Godzilla”.
Eventually this prima ballerina succumbed to the rigours of the ageing process and the once svelte diva became-well, a mess. She went to join the Kirov but they told her to clear off. That’s when she turned to Smirnoff whilst working in a beer off.
Once the toast of the western world Madam Fallenover is now a little burned at the edges. She will tell, with burning passion, of her highs and lows, her ups and downs, her ins and outs and the truth about her bunions and sagging kneecaps.
Indulge her if you will.
“SHE HAS PLAINLY BEEN SPRINKLED WITH FAIRY RUST-SORRY DUST”.
Natasha’s rendition of “Hairy Fairy” (parody on “Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy”) can be heard on www.youtube.com/donread OK, she’s a bass/baritone but nobody’s perfect.
Sometimes serious music can get a little tutu serious
Copyright Don Read
At the age of four she was presented with a Life Time Achievement Award by the Vladivostock Nut Cracker and Sugar Plumber Operatives Association.
She won the coveted Wet Corset contest in Petronoscovitchgradstan after falling in
A lake full of swans. Her parents sent her for singing lessons and were delighted when her teacher described her as having “The Voice Of The Decayed”. Her spelling was atrocious.
She cites her best years as being those studying under the impresario Diaghilev. As a matter of fact she spent quite a lot of time under Diaghilev,.then she decided to take up ballet. Her big break came at the Paris Conservatory (to be honest it was not so much a conservatory-more of a kitchen extension) where she was introduced to Les Sylphides. Les was keen to show her his celebrated Pas De Trois so it was back to his pad post haste.
Madam Fallenover worked with all the leading Russian ballet companies, sweeping out the dressing rooms, titivating the tutus, tantalising the Tiaras- nice family the Tiaras-never missed a performance.
Nat, (to her friends) starred in her one women shows, “King Kong -The Ballet” and “Natasha meets Godzilla”.
Eventually this prima ballerina succumbed to the rigours of the ageing process and the once svelte diva became-well, a mess. She went to join the Kirov but they told her to clear off. That’s when she turned to Smirnoff whilst working in a beer off.
Once the toast of the western world Madam Fallenover is now a little burned at the edges. She will tell, with burning passion, of her highs and lows, her ups and downs, her ins and outs and the truth about her bunions and sagging kneecaps.
Indulge her if you will.
“SHE HAS PLAINLY BEEN SPRINKLED WITH FAIRY RUST-SORRY DUST”.
Natasha’s rendition of “Hairy Fairy” (parody on “Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy”) can be heard on www.youtube.com/donread OK, she’s a bass/baritone but nobody’s perfect.
Sometimes serious music can get a little tutu serious
Copyright Don Read
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