. Natasha Fallenover's Blog No 6

My choreographer Dimitri’s favourite pastime if watching loose women but Lou doesn’t like anyone watching him swim. I remember a song called “Cry Me A River”. In Russia we thought it was called “Crimea River”.The Americans had a TV show called “I Love Lucy”. People spent hours with their maps looking for the “Isle Of Lucy”. Why am I telling you all this ? Because my fractured Anglish sometimes gets misinterpretateded so please to excuse if not right. Thank you. That is the end of my disclaimer.

Monday
I asked questions at Question Time in the House of The Common .(I sneaked in when the speaker was have 40 winks). My question is ,“ The eminent Lord Younger died in January 2003. Was he the elder Younger or the younger Younger and if so does that make the equally eminent conductor Mark Elder the elder or Mark Elder the younger. ? Answers on a postcard please.

Tuesday
I go into bookshop and ask to see manager. Manager comes out of his hiddy hole and I say, “I am thinking of writing a book. Can you tell me where I can buy a writer’s block?”

Great Uncle Ludovick emigrated from Vladivostok to UK in 1856. Stick pin in map and settled for Bradford. On seeing lots of big chimneys he figure must be lots of factories with peoples going hungry. He open chain of slow food restaurants called Dark Satanic Grills. He was first Russian immigrant to go bankrupt here.

Cousin Oedipus was in the motor car business. He sold scrap motors trading as Scrap Cars Are Us. Business was poor so he decided to go up market and had big sign made saying, Oedipus Wrecks. He was second Russian immigrant to go bankrupt here.

But to my diary which you are waiting to hear of.

Monday.
Phoned friend Olga in Sebastopol to ask how my record of “Hairy Fairy”
( music by Tchaikovsky)is doing. She say it is moving nicely and is now 1742 in charts.

Tuesday.
Called at my PR company to discuss revamping my profile. I am to be called Twinkletoes Fallenover with by line, “The stand on toes ballet dancer”. If comedians here can trade as stand up comedians why not ? Dimitri says he may become “Climb Ladder Window Cleaner”.

Wednesday.

Back to PR person, Osbourne is his silly name, who thinks we should start a bakery and produce Natasha's Hairy Fairy Cakes, with image of me and the legend Eat Me on the top. Nice idea, yes ?

Thursday.
How sad it is to say goodbye to great favourite Bo Diddlums. As you know he was one of big Bo group. Brummel, Gueste, Peep and Niddle. Think about it.
Spend day rehearing songs for King Kong-The Ballet prodiction. Would you like a snippet ? Of course you would. This is part duet with Olga and me

She shops at Harrods while I go to Tesco
She sings Bel Canto while I sing Al Fresco
Hand knitted hairpieces tied up with stings
They’re on our list of most unfavourite things.
You will have to sing the rest. Try singing it in the bath. It sounds better under water.
Friday.
I have appointment with head of Human Racehorses at big London Department store. I check out part time jobs in case King Kong-The Ballet is flop. I say to interview man, “So how many fridges do you expect me to sell ?” He say, Just because we are called Selfridges it does not mean that all our staff sell fridges. If I take you on I put you in ladies underwear. “Ho, no you do not, “I say, indignant ally”. I am quite capable of putting myself in ladies underwear, thank you very much. Cheeky monkey. .

Toodle pip for now. See you next week.