NATASHA FALLENOVER’S BLOG N0 5.

Glasnost and utmost greeting to all and one.
it is time to tell you more about my background. I assume you have all seen my front ground, yes ?
Did you know my great uncle Vanya was a bigwig in the hairpiece business ? You didn’t know that ? Well you soon will.
He used to tell the split siding anecdote about when he had travelled 1200 mile to see a customer in Urals and spent five hours making a pitch (as they say in the trade), he was getting nowhere. Then customer finally said, “O.K. I place an order with you but there is just one more thing I want to know. Can you swim in it ? Uncle Vanya overcome with exasperation replied, “No comrade, but if you turn it upside down and fill it full of water your goldfish can” Oh, how we giggled.

Monday.
Working with editor of Goodbye magazine to start competition finding song names for British town like America has. Examples-“I Left My Heart In San Fransisco,”
how about “I Left My Spleen In Aberdeen" ?.”New York, New York” might become “Newcastle, Newcastle”. Or “Do You Know What It Means To Miss New Orleans”, (could be equivalent of “Do You Know What It Means To Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy”*. “The Girl From Impanima” (yes I know it’s not in real America) This could be doctor’s favourite bossa nova when retitled, “The Girl From Impetigo”.
“Swansea, Swansea, how I love you, how I love you” by Al Jolson.
Please to send me your digestions...
* Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy was winner of the Miss Chorlton Cum Hardy beauty contest in 1932 and she certainly knew what it meant to her!

As you know Dimitri is my choreographer and my tour manager is Slobodan O’Riley (his mother, she travel a lot). To me they are Dim and Slob, which, come to think about it is very appropriate. They are my left and right hand men.

Tuesday.
It rains all day so take opportunity to put on tutu, ballet shoes and put up umbrella. Go out on street and practice “Singing In The Rain” to record of Gene Kelly singing “Singing In The Rain” on wind up gramophone carried by Slob. Pedestrians are much amused by this display of wet choreography and clap profusely. Dim hold hat and we collect £2.50 and three bent safety pins,. which come in handy as tutu is splitting several places.

Wednesday.

WE go take a look at Royal Opera House just in case we get to do ballet there some day. Big auditorium. Remind me of joke I heard at the Bolshoi in Moscow. This is it. What do you do when the orchestra stalls ? Answer is sober up the conductor. This good joke no ?
Puts me in mind of limerick which is Irish place but no relation. Goes like this:

A very tall lady named Gillian
Played the lottery and won half a million
She said “I would like
A big motor bike”
And she steered it whilst sat on the pillion.
Side splits yes ?

Thursday
I sleep all day and drink all night with pals from Oops A Daisy ballet company who want me for a fairy. I ask what would a fairy want with me but they insist I audition for part.

Friday
Audition for Oops A Daisy ballet company but fail on account of my bad bunions.

Saturday and Sunday
Contemplate my naval.

See you next week. Free Vladivostok now ! Love from NAT

PS ”. OK. So I am a bass/baritone but nobody’s perfect.